Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BSP Sharing - A Glimpse on my True State of Being..

BSP happened to be my last left-out program which was needed for attending Samyama. That was the only reason which lead me to BSP registration. But i can clearly split my life into two.. Life Before BSP and Life After BSP. I was really hesitant to go, as I was having strong pre-judice about crying! I had seen only tears of suffering, hatred and had never experienced tears of love or gratitude till then..

As the program progressed.. all my resistant buildings which I had towards people,acts,things started loosening up, base of everything started getting shattered.. I was able to mingle with a lady of 75 years old, as easily, i will be with my college friend.. Those which i had gold platted as my biggest achievements like "Sitting in the last row of the class","Never take a mike in hand to speak", "Always go late to an event","Don't participate in anything but always mock up one who does" .. started breaking up. As it was going, i started feeling very light within myself. But with all these going in at 50% involvement, rest 50% was trying to make sense out of what was happening there, with my 21 year educated mind!!!

At one moment in the hall, i completely broke up and i found my mind was stumbling to find a reason for it .. and the first time tears started flowing out of me due to pain of ignorance. Front of my t-shirt was fully wet in tears and i found.. am missing something really basic in life. That moment was an eye-opener!

And the last day, till that point, I had always looked Sadhguru as the most intelligent, wittiest person i had seen in my life. But for the first time, i raised my head to look up with reverence and bowed down to him with tears of gratitude. When we were asked to share by Lalitha ma.. I said, "With 50% i have become like this.. So am definitely going to come back to BSP as a volunteer to throw myself with 100% involvement"

The Bus travel in which we returned back from Ashram was nothing but a grand "CELEBRATION" ..that too with such a mix and variety of ppl. Everyone left me with a loving nod.. and first time, i found that i was in a state of acceptance and joy where in people who don't even know my name were reciprocating the same love and joy.. I found the secret of unconditional happiness and joy :) and as i keep this ON within me.. where-ever I'm.. the place is full of joy, love and natural sense of sharing is there.. BSP has added the ONLY missing color to my life :)



amudhan said...

Jayalakshmi akka,
Thanks for sharing your experience here. I can relate most of your experience with mine and I felt being in the program. Great post with great sharing!

This post has encouraged me to share my experience also. I will try to post my experience here.


seeker said...

Nice to hear that Anna. It would be really inspiring if you can share your BSP experience :) and yes, sharing is like reviving the same moment again and BSP elates me totally :).
I was even hesitant to share my experiences, before BSP :))


Fidarose said...

I had the most ..................experience (Sorry that I am lost of words). But you can find what I want to say in my blog www.life-after-joining-ishayoga.blogspot.com